When You Loved an Abuser.

Sometimes we make mistakes in life. One way is trading our loneliness and inviting an abuser into our life. I believe when we have sexual intercourse with a person, our souls merge and a connection is formed. When kind, good natured people entangle themselves in these relationships it can destroy their lives. Rebuilding from this, I feel, it is important to heal the areas that allowed an abuser to gain footing as well gaining the wisdom to recognize them, and the strength to shut certain doors immediately when you discern a red flag. Trust it when someone shows you who they are, know the person you can change is you and not them. To me - if you are being abused - you need to be brave and run. God did not call you to be a weak willed woman. Having been deeply abused, even married off in a church environment, I have learned that we, as individuals, need to be connected to God and not turn those choices over to anyone, pastors (they are human), men, woman. We as individuals need to pray and study and make choices for ourselves with the help of the Creator.

If your gut, tells you know something is wrong, listen to it because something is wrong. Take your time, slow down, and do not be forced to make any choices. I did not want to marry the man the church leaders told me to marry, at all. They enforced their view and at that time I felt so badly about myself I did not trust my feelings. I allowed a pastor to marry me to a man he counseled during most of the other four times he had been married. Each one of those marriages he was arrested for spousal abuse. The pastor even told his secretary if I marry this man, I will never come back to the church. The pastor married us 7 days later and told the man to have fun with me and never told me anything about his experiences with him. I could not talk at the time. I heard God´s whisper telling me it was too soon, but I did not trust my ability to hear from God.

With 7 months we divorced. One day, as he raped me, after telling me I did not exist so he would have a good day and pretended I was not there. I felt an angel touch my shoulder and say this is too much for you. Within 24 hours, the police, and a safe house that marriage started it´s divorce. I was a broken shell in the moment, my body would shake, I could not look people in their eyes, and I woke up shaking. The best thing that ever happened there was when God sent that angel to rescue me. I had an opportunity to begin again.

Today, I am not under a curse, I am under the grace of Yeshua and I can have a relationship directly with the Creator. This is the most powerful and helpful book that I have ever read about abusive relationships. The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.

The ancient text says: But understand this: In the last days terrible times will come. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, without love of good, traitorous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. Turn away from such as these!

They are the kind who worm their way into households and captivate vulnerable women who are weighed down with sins and led astray by various passions, who are always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.

Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth. They are depraved in mind and disqualified from the faith. But they will not advance much further. For just like Jannes and Jambres, their folly will be plain to everyone.