Thoughts on overcoming trauma

Those of us that have come out of abusive and traumatic childhood experiences sometimes use those experiences to shape our consciousness of what love means. The cycle begins when we are taught to associate the feelings brought on by the trauma with the feeling of love. We continue to feed these traumas to ourselves and in our future relationships, creating a desperate cycle that leaves us continually feeling hurt, betrayed, and untrusting the potential goodness and kindness in others and ourselves. There is a way to break this cycle and step into the light and connect with the source of all goodness, with the Creator of all that is.

How to do this is buried deep within all of us. Things around us may spin stories suggesting that what we seek is someplace outside of us, but the healing and transformation needs to occur deep within our own souls. We must find the unsettled places within us and pour love, true love into ourselves, saturating every part until it reaches the dark places that are hiding in the trauma, opening ourselves up to trust, to the love, and to the light of the Creator. These gentle acts of kindness and care we give to ourselves will completely change our lives. 

In the moment the trauma is occurring, before we can consciously register its effects, we stop breathing, almost as a reflex. I believe this moment of breathlessness allows us to store the pain of the trauma within us. I have often thought how interesting it is that one of the holiest names of the Creator translates to the words ‘LIFE BREATH’. It was a name that long ago was spoken few times year and only by a priest because of its sacredness.

Ancient texts, the Bible, speak of our human race being created from the earth and brought to life by the breath of God. I have found that when fractures of our soul are lodged in a trauma deep inside ourselves, we can use our breath, and the presence of the Creator to release them.

Love is self-acceptance, forgiveness, and mercy; is the salve for these traumatic wounds and it is an experience of the light of and power of Christ.

Love, it’s feeling is like a gentle smile. A kind of lightness that holds absolutely no judgement. It feels like freedom and acceptance. It is the embodiment of goodness. It goes beyond what our earthly fathers and mothers can give us and shifts the consciousness to our divine parents, the male female of the eternal Creator. It is within this space we can transform even the darkest imaginations and troubles into light, experiencing the miracle of how everything can shift. It is possible to make this transformation just by loving yourself and opening yourself to divine grace and mercy.

When traumatized, it is as if our energetic fields are unstable and unprotected. A brokenness of spirit is having soul fractures and deep wounds. It is in these wounds that darkness is attracted to, creating an instability within our lives and our experiences. To heal these wounds is to bring strength and wholeness to your entire being which, in turn shifts the world around you and your experience of life. The people you were once attracted to, the things you found interesting, all a result of your exposures to these unhealed cycles will cease and your life will change. Your feet will begin to steadily connect you to a path that leads you into the ways of life and understanding. Your old ways of doubt and pain will shift, and the space opened up within you will become a new place to rejoice within and your heart will resurface. This is the work. 

Facing yourself and identifying when and where these traumas have separated you is our work, your work. We have two choices, we can face ourselves and embrace ourselves and heal the traumas that cause these cycles to repeat, or we can repeat them. The work will feel hard because we must discard our feelings of being a victim and loneliness and face our fears. Doing this cultivates courage, in this courage we cultivate compassion towards ourselves, allowing us to reflect ourselves authentically onto those around us. Echoing the deep love which embodies wisdom and lifts our hearts to kiss the heavens in a state of divine adoration and worship, showering this great outpouring of beauty into our lives and those around us. It is our true nature to become like a child again or the child we knew we were, back in step with the divine blueprint.

Love first came to me in the dream state. Until this dream I had no concept of the divine feeling of love. Love to me was horrible, angry, abrasive and it allowed no mistakes. This love was a reflection of the love I had been taught. It was utterly askew. In this dream a voice said to me “try this love” and instantly everything shifted. What I felt was the most beautiful feeling I had ever experienced in my life: everything was kind, no judgement, just being held in this pure beautiful place of perfect comfort and care. That dream changed my life. It opened my eyes to a place where I wanted to be.

The work started when I woke up. I would imagine this love emanating through my hands and I would touch my body, feeling the energy within me. Back then, my being was in need of great love. It was full of tangles and wounds and cords and things I did not know how to let go of. Moment by moment, day by day, year by year, I started holding myself there, in this space of love.

Each morning I would open myself to this love and when I found a tension or a pain that did not match the energy I felt in the dream, I would hold it in this space of love. Going into this pain would cause emotions, old things, imaginations, and traumas, to surface. Breathing gently and just continuing to hold myself in love even there, without judgment, not engaging with the pain, just shifting this pain to a place of self-acceptance and love, I would feel the pains release and heal literally in my hands. I could hear the whispers of the injuries releasing like the thoughts that bound the energies into place or the projections that I had stored from others.

The beginning of this work started me on a path that has brought me to where I am now. I am in a completely different space. I am in a completely different life. My life had been plagued by self-hate and was on a path seeking destruction of my being and barely standing in the world. I hurt so badly that I could not let anyone touch me. The pain that was hidden in my heart was seen by the Creator and a great mercy enabled me to be touched and transformed.

During this transformation every step, every move, every new experience took me on a journey that was nothing short of miraculous. During this journey I became a woman who walks and trusts God in a divinely intimate way. Taught by the Creato  personally and loved personally.

Coming to know that I am electricity in every way it can be expressed. My vibration is a subtle unique song authored by the Creator and whispered by me. I have come to face it, to understand it’s innermost corners and yet still so unique the experience continues to unfold.

A long time ago, I never stopped to listen to myself. My senses were teased, seduced, and bombarded by everything external. Eat me, touch me, be me and be happy. Achievement, the external experience promised a never-ending myth of fulfillment that left me oddly empty and unknown.

My anchors to life were tied to the things outside of me. The way I experienced them was through the stories I told myself. Many were echoes of pain and emotional discord. Although many would say I was fine I knew I was not well. As dull as my ears were, I could perceive that inwardly I was filled with deep pain, as if I was screaming.

Many of us know that we feel this way, but we are so unconscious to ourselves, and we lack any skills to fundamentally make a difference. Solutions that treat the surface expression of the trauma are unproductive. Dismissing these feelings with drinks and company that yearn to escape themselves, seeking solace in smoking, pills and anything that can shut off the pain for just a little bit only mask the true cause of the pain.

The bravest thing and at first the most painful thing that I have ever done in my life is to face myself. To know and understand who I am and why I feel the way I do. To channel the deepest parts of my expression of pain into something profound and meaningful so that when I look behind me it will make sense to others and when I look within, I will know that is what my life came here to give. The first step to deeply loving myself began in a hug. I wrapped myself in a smile and went to meet me.

With Love,

Sarah

Fear, trauma, and worry cause our breath to freeze.When the breath tightens, we disconnect from the One who breathed us into being.

Breath is the oldest healing practice in the world.Before temples, before medicine, before written language,humans learned to steady their inner world through the simple act of breathing.

Every spiritual tradition recognized breath as sacred.

The original breath of life, the nishmat chayyim creates a place within the soul that is untouched, unbroken, 

the part of you that still carries peace, clarity, and life.